Read Anything

 

That was a serious question!!! Yes I read bits and pieces. Started many books, but some how i cannot complete . I feel irritated. I do not know what i am reading. I am in a whirlwind. like paper piece i float in the air. I curse myself . Why i am not focused ? ( last DEC. i read a book Memoirs of a Gangsters Daughter by Yakuza Moon. A painful read. many times i cry literally, so i am still that boy walking in the green pasture.can we say green pasture!!. i think it is wrong)

I think life is extremely complected in this modern world. Our children’s wold will be more complicated. There is will be few jobs. rich become more rich and poor will eternally poor. But think about the emotional turmoil. I have a book of David Foster Wallace. The last book. He killed himself at the young age.   this is a long paragraph. But really catch that mind. The mind which is floating like a paper, the frustration we all are going through. Try to read this/But not to grasp.

“–and then you’re in serious trouble, very serious trouble, and you know it, finally, deadly serious trouble, because this Substance you thought was your one true friend, that you gave up all for, gladly, that for so long gave you relief from the pain of the Losses your love of that relief caused, your mother and lover and god and compadre, has finally removed its smily-face mask to reveal centerless eyes and a ravening maw, and canines down to here, it’s the Face In The Floor, the grinning root-white face of your worst nightmares, and the face is your own face in the mirror, now, it’s you, the Substance has devoured or replaced and become you, and the puke-, drool- and Substance-crusted T-shirt you’ve both worn for weeks now gets torn off and you stand there looking and in the root-white chest where your heart (given away to It) should be beating, in its exposed chest’s center and centerless eyes is just a lightless hole, more teeth, and a beckoning taloned hand dangling something irresistible, and now you see you’ve been had, screwed royal, stripped and fucked and tossed to the side like some stuffed toy to lie for all time in the posture you land in. You see now that It’s your enemy and your worst personal nightmare and the trouble It’s gotten you into is undeniable and you still can’t stop. Doing the Substance now is like attending Black Mass but you still can’t stop, even though the Substance no longer gets you high. You are, as they say, Finished. You cannot get drunk and you cannot get sober; you cannot get high and you cannot get straight. You are behind bars; you are in a cage and can see only bars in every direction. You are in the kind of a hell of a mess that either ends lives or turns them around. ( from Infinite Jest) Don try to buy this book. you cant read it!!!!

mUst

I should do this work

i should loose weight

i should read this book

i should make more money

i should improve my prayer life

i should improve my family life

Unless This ” should ”  changed to BE A MUST

yOU WILL NOT ACHIEVE ANYTHING.

 

Melecholic

I lived in this state of mind for long time. It gives you a certain kind of pleasure. sad/dark pleasure. being in your own world, saying that Yes I am failure. This is my destiny . Look around people are suffering, dying, Sickness, crying. You are closing one part of your mind. An eternal failure .

Life is not that sad. Now i see the bright side. Smiles around me. Love in different form. Nature and its beauty.

“I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that’s been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by abscence? ”

This is perfect expression of  Melancholic state.

 

Achievements.

This is your Goal.

want to be millionaire.

want to be physically fit

want to be amazingly good.

Your list increases always. Normally if you think about your goal you are kind of depressed/worried. But just think about your last month, last year or last 10 years. It is always in a move. You are grown up as good human being. learned, wise. Financially better ( in my case) . we all are improved in many areas. Reflect on that And congratulate yourself. Be grateful for your life, your achievements and just ignore that monkey chatting mind. It is always want more.

 

quick read

There are times when you want to read few pages fast and reflect. This book is always in my table. Absolute Khushwant . The low – down of life, death and most things in between.

you need models to follow in your life. He was a king and thoroughly enjoyed his self analysis pieces. If you are married this is a best book to Think about your life. Your struggle and monotonous boredom.

“I could never forget her sweet smelling perfumed hair.
Blowing in the air as if God’s winds, were trying to stare.
Her eyes which contact made you frozen,
Put you in a spell that made you swear that you were chosen. “

I

Solitude is beautiful precisely because it’s not always easy or pleasant.

 

i am alone deep inside. There is no One. I think even though it is a painful reality, that is the truth. Every now and then ….. Someone enters and swiftly moved away. I dont blame anyone for that. I like to be alone in deep sorrow. days and months and years gone. There is no end this, even your swaying move or smile break that sorrow.

The one thing

 

2016 will be over within a few days. What i achieve in this year!!!!. There are many things. As usual i bought many books. Some i read, half read and kept in my shelf. i want to avoid reading from gadgets and sit with a Real BOOK.

what is important in life?

The one thing. Find that one thing. When a day begins you find that One thing. Identify / quantify and DO that one thing. That should be your priory. if you want to success narrow down your concentration to that one thing.

” There can only be one most important thing. Many things may be important, but only one can be the most important”

 

The One thing by Garry keller with jay papasan

Memory

“.Although freedom and independence comes with adulthood so thus obligation to keeping a job,maintaining relationships,acquiring education,sustaining one self.As I tell my son:18 is just a #,a man is the one who can take care of himself and others.”

My father told One day, now you completed your graduation. I dont have any more money to spend for you. Go and find a job

Out of the house, No money, not many friends I moved to Bombay in 1994.

When i started my work, ( Dont want to say what it is) I never thought i will reach here.

Financial security is important for  peace of mind. There are many chance for those who know nothing. You should have the fear in mind . fear of poverty, fear of homelessness force you to find something.gradually you can catch up in life. Nothing break you if you traveled a tough road. So be prepared. mamas boys and couch potatoes will not get any sympathy in Road.

A Personal Journey – Poem by David Harris

Autoplay next poem

If someone had told me years ago,
poetry would make my name.
I would have politely smiled
and nodded yes,
and not believed a word of it.
I remember once
attending a poetry reading
and calmly getting up
and declaring I was not a poet,
and then wondered why everyone laughed.
They must have realised something
I did not know
that in fact, I was a poet,
of course, that was a long time ago,
and much waters
have crossed under the bridge of my life.
The doodles I once called poems
were in fact poems after all.
Some were much better
than I could ever dream of.
It took me a long time
and the internet to realise that fact.
Now I have started a new dawn
within my writing career,
taken steps down roads
I never thought I would go.
The journey has not been unmarked,
as I have gained so much more
than just becoming recognised as a writer.
I have gained so many friends across the world.
Something I could have only dreamed about
in my younger years.

17 April 2008

 

 

Small things.

when was the last time you saw the sun rise?

Did you play football with your young son.

Did you see how a butterfly sitting in a flower

Small things.

2016 is over in a couple of week. Life is always happens in a subtle way. December you bring your coldness with you. I feel that in my body.

what is missing in life? No.what are the small things happening in my life. can i hear the sound of a bird. can i see the smile of a baby. 23 years back in December. early morning we both were walking to the tuition center through street. I can see her smile, she is talking, walking ,very happy. But i didn’t listen anything she told. But still i can see vividly see her face, long hair . She was bubbling with life.

I miss your presence around me

With so many people I feel alone

I miss your touch, miss your lips

I miss every moment more and more

I remember the moments when you smile

Can’t forget that even for a while