Friends

They all are my friends

I know them, they know me

we met few times, last year

But Do i know what they are thinking about me

Do they care? what i am going through my life

In that case, Who knows me?

My wife, kids, parents.

They know little of me, some parts of me

My mom know me when i am sad and troubled

she has this sense

kind of feeling, my son is in trouble

But do i know myself

my dancing heart

jumping from sorrow to joy

I am special

Who can see my nakedness of Heart.

 

 

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Dairy

How to waste your time? You postponed everything and pretend that you can build a future as a writer. Is that make any sense?

Umberto eco Passed away. I read few passage from his book. I have great respect for his amazing interest of books and academic knowledge. So many people attending the funeral of this great writer. Picture in guardian. My capacity to read a full Novel book is gone. Now i read bits and Pieces. I do not have time to do that.  The point is,i do not have the patience and dedication to sit and read. Nothing impress me much.

Now I start again my walking. My solitary walking. Where i Meet my madness in thin air.

 

values

Values of my life… I think i have to think based on my understanding of everything i have learned in my life. As a christian i think this must be my values – sacrifice, redemption and forgiveness.

sacrifice

Well in my nature i have every tendency to avoid suffering. But i do sacrifice many things for my family and people around me. I think i am Not 100 percent on this point. But okay.

Redemption.

Yes i will do everything in my life to move away from Evil things. But i am struggling in my things inside my heart, temptation of many things… Which is absolutely evil But…………….

Forgiveness

I have nothing against any one this world. I do forgive. Hope others do same towards me.

Shades

I try to read fifty shades of gray. i cant continue after few pages. I think i am from the old school. Love is never a forceful emotions.  love has many shades. Subtle, poetic, emotionally painful moments. I accept what is happening in my life. My enthusiasm for many things disappeared. it is natural. After all we all are preparing for the unending silence. I think best decision in life is not make future plan. Suppose if you say after 60 i will do this. You may never have the interest to do something at that time.

Are you 60? I asked her. You should not ask a woman her age… Smile ()

 

Departure

The evening is same. Someone unknown came to my door, i was surprised to see the man holding my ironed clothes. Where is the other fellow? is he gone for a live? Suddenness of life. you do not  get time to react. He died yesterday due to a heart attack.

I took again the book ” The Tibetan book of Living and Dying”. I want to study again certain areas. Probably a desire to know death more closely.

I am no more talking to some of my friends. The reason is absurd. I could have been better behaved. Life is living in moments. My practice is to be peace with myself especially the dark side of my irrational mind.

But as i know everything will change. mood change, situation change.  Then you may be able to forget the Smile and humbleness of that ” other fellow”